This morning was so two-dimensional. I was so smooth and shiny. Clean shirt, sharp pants, nice belt, authentic Seiko watch and shiny character shoes that were handmade for me. That million dollar smile. I was ready to go out there and take what is mine. Jumping from the stairs, I heard someone sobbing on the second floor. It was heart-wrecking to hear that woman cry. The door was semi-open. I hate such doors. I knew that if neighbor's door is semi-open, it means that there are other neighbors inside who came to witness and console.
I got to the first floor to find dozens of men standing and smoking. There stood the boy from the second floor. His eyes were talking to me like never before. We used to say hi to each other from a distance almost everyday. This was the only communication method we used. Today was different. I knew something was wrong. Why did I even approach him? Why did I ask him that question? He looked at me with despair. Words came out:
“My father died.”
He looked at me with the hope that I may bring his father back. That was his look. The shiny day of mine was gone. I stood there like an idiot for a while with nothing to say. What do you say to a boy who just lost his dad?
“Be strong” I said. Really? You pathetic literary genius!? Is this the best you could do?
I held his arm and tried to console him. He waited for such thing to happen. Tears came flushing out of him. Awkward it was. I fled away from there. My working day had its own agenda. Work. Lessons. Money. What is the point?
Such moments are reminders. They remind us that we are lucky. They remind us that we can do things better. Be a better dad, friend, son, lover, writer, teacher. I can live better God damn it. Can I? Can I live without reminders?
I do not know.