Letter to Melissa

It happened yesterday morning. I saw you in my dream. I do not remember seeing anything like this in a while. In fact this was the only time when I secretly wished to captivate this dream into an eternity.

We were standing next to each other. It was a high place. We saw the whole city in front of us. You leaned towards me. I stayed calm. I never saw you look at me the way you did. It was not love. It was not sorrow. It was not sentimentality. It was not vibrant feeling of pleasure. It was all of it bundled together. I could not resist the moment you hugged me. We stood there face to face and head to head. We were silent for a long time. I think both of us were exhausted from constant need to make sense of things that were happening. We were tired of self-explanatory slur. We envied the very moment of excuses that were about to be made. Our story is just like any other story that will never be written. Authors have forbidden stories. The ones that never leave the shelf. The one. Authors remain silent about them. Although you may hear them scream some parts of this story from time to time. They erupt in forms of volcanoes in some other stories.

I do not remember feeling so peaceful. 34 years now. I have been through many ups and downs. But this level of peace was out of this world. Why?

We were holding each other. May be we were holding onto each other. In any case this felt amazing. You stared at me and asked:

“What am I doing here?”

You knew the answer. It made you pleasantly uncomfortable. You seemed vulnerable. You never showed this side of yours. Not even to yourself.

I was experiencing nirvana but then it happened. I uttered this:

“You have to go back to him. He loves you. He cares about you.”

To my surprise you did not move. You remained were you were. Your head remained in my chest. That was moment of bliss.

I opened my eyes with such an ease.

That morning was bright. I was literally singing. But it was just a dream. The one I wish I could barter with reality. I guess I will see such things from time to time. It will give some fuel to continue. Somehow we always need to continue. We always do.