Is there a way to deal with sorrow?
My mom called my dad. “You need to come urgently” she said. She could not tell him that his father was getting ready to die. He ran into the room. Grandfather was lying there with eyes looking at the ceiling. Kids were not allowed to feel real life. We had to stay out of the experience. My dad started crying like a child. I never saw him like this. This cry was one of a kind. They had many things untold between them. My father’s father closed his eyes forever. His son was wiping eyes and just sitting there silently. I went into kitchen and started eating whatever I could find. (Local burgers that we call kotlets.) I knew that upcoming days would be all about ceremonies and funeral. I knew that children would be forgotten and left to their own. I was good to go. Days later we all sat with tired bodies. (Serving hundreds of people that came to give their condolences and eat some stuff. Part of our traditions require to feel sad and eat some stuff at the same time. It is almost miraculous but people manage to do both.)
How do you deal with sorrow? Is there a certain way to forget it or to heal after it? Is there a book that you pick out from the shelves and read the answer to it?
Talking about the bookshelves. My grandfather used to have huge ones. He read tons of books. Even in his last breath book would not cease from being his friends. (May be his only friends.) He usually read about great people and their lives. His life was not great at all. He always felt that itch to do something purposeful. His wife did not think the same way. Brutal life came at him with all intense force.
I had to grow up earlier than expected. It all started with me washing him because he was not capable to do so. I learned a lot about old people’s bodies and spiritual states. To an extend where I became an antique of emotions.
He used to sell big volumes of books to support his family. Volumes would never end. Years later, I started to do the same thing subconsciously. It was my way to pay tribute. But, the question is tribute to what?
At some point you understand that sorrow will never pass. It will be there. Somewhere around the corner it will stand waiting for your wrong turn. And you will turn into that corner. You will face the sorrow. It will hit you and empty your heart. You will not be able to do anything about it.
Why people die? Why do they get a chance to escape without answering vital questions? Why do they escape so easily and leave others with burdens of existence?
Today, I hear my father play with my kids. They laugh and run around the room. The same room where his father closed his eyes forever. He is happy. At least occasionally. May be it is an optical illusion. May be he is doing it because he does not know how else.
How else do you deal with sorrow?
You just live it. Live with it.
Live up to a moment where you live without it.
